ANNIVERSARY GIFT

Henry forgot his wedding anniversary and his wife was really ticked
off at him. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift
in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds, AND IT
BETTER BE THERE."

The next morning, Henry got up really early. When his wife woke up
couple of hours later, she looked out the window, and sure enough,
there was a small gift-wrapped box sitting in the middle of the
driveway.

Confused then, Sharon put on her robe, ran out to the driveway and
took the box into the house. She opened it, and found a brand new
bathroom scale.

Henry is not yet well enough to have visitors.

Landlords

A young woman, pursuing a graduate degree in art history, was going to Italy to study the country's greatest works of art. Since there was no one to look after her grandmother while she was away, she took the old lady with her. At the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, she pointed to the painting on the ceiling.

"Grandma, it took Michelangelo a full four years to get that ceiling painted."

"Oh my, "the grandmother says. "He and I must have the same landlord."

A clergyman, walking down a country lane, sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

"You look tired, my son," said the cleric. "Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man. "My father wouldn't approve."

"Don't be silly," the minister said. "Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water."

Again the young man protested that his father would be upset.

Losing his patience just a little, the clergyman said, "Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!"

"Well," replied the young farmer, "you can tell him whatever you like just as soon as I get this hay off him."